chasing answers newsletter #15

Writing can be hard

"One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple." - Jack Kerouac

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How my weekends currently feel

How they used to feel

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Hello and welcome!

There’s a lot to read below, so no long intro this week.

If you’re new, Thank You for joining! And I apologize in advance for the profanity-laced rant below. But you signed up for it. 😀

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I have a confession to make. 

I'm struggling with this whole writing thing. When I signed up for David Perell's Write of Passage course, I knew this wouldn't be easy. There were many reasons for this, but the big ones for me were

1. More time in front of a screen

2. I didn't want to write about personal topics

3. I REALLY didn't want to get on social media

More Time in Front of a Screen

I knew going into this I would have to spend even more of my life sitting at my computer and staring at my phone. I'm a super active guy. And I already spend most of my work days on my ass in front of a computer. My ideal life is one without computers and phones at all, so I knew this would be a challenge, and it has been. But I'm pushing through. 

Prior to this journey, I spent a significant amount of time on my computer and phone during the week, but once the weekend rolled around, I didn't touch either one. I work on a computer all day, and I also do quite a bit of investing and trading on my own time, so during the week, I'm constantly attempting to keep up with what's going on in the markets, and I'm regularly jumping on my phone to make trades. 

But, most weekends, I would lay my phone on my nightstand on Friday night and not touch it again until Monday morning, other than to turn my alarm on and off. Man, how I miss those days. I would have a 20-mile bike ride in on Saturday and Sunday mornings before my wife and daughter were out of bed. Now, I spend most of my Saturday and Sunday mornings working on my writing.

This is a real challenge for me mentally. I don't know anyone who hates sitting in front of a computer more than I do. And I'm still new to this whole writing thing. So, I'm not highly efficient at it. I can't just sit down and pound out 1,000 words with little to no effort. I'm just not there yet. I need to get there, though. Otherwise, this isn't going to work.

I Didn't Want to Write About Personal Topics

Somehow I want to write and have people read that writing without the readers really getting to know me. 

Not an easy task. 

I feel like many people write specifically to let people get to know them, almost to sell themselves. For those people, I think recognition is the ultimate goal. Ideally, I want to sell my ideas without anyone knowing where they came from. 

It's not that I'm ashamed of my ideas or anything. I could give a shit less what people think of them or me. It's more like, and not that I probably ever have to worry about this, I never want to be out somewhere and be recognized for my writing or anything I put on Twitter. That sounds like my worst nightmare. I'm an introvert at the highest level. Which almost begs the question, why am I writing in the first fucking place? It's a valid question. My main goal was to break out of a rut and possibly open new opportunities. It's not lost on me that this is all very contradictory. How can new opportunities present themselves if I don't want people to know who I am? Another good question and one I am struggling with.

I toyed with the idea of writing under a pseudonym but ultimately didn't think it would work for me. The biggest reason was my desire to open up new opportunities and make connections that could lead to a different career path. 

Again, I am well aware of the contradictory storylines unfolding here.

Ultimately, I decided not to use a pseudonym. I'm still not convinced that was the right decision.

I am managing to slowly write more about personal topics or put my unique spin on things, but it is a weekly challenge.

I REALLY Didn't Want to Get on Social Media

This is the BIG one, and it is proving even more challenging than I thought.

Multiple sources, including Write of Passage, teach that social media, particularly Twitter, is the best way to get your writing out there. I don’t disagree. I just really didn’t want to have to do this.

This past week something became painfully clear about how big of a roadblock this one might be.

The company I work for is experiencing major growth and significant changes. We have enlisted the help of a few consultants to assist us with this, which means I have been spending an insane amount of time in meetings. And working even longer than normal hours to ensure we are all on the same page regarding who our company currently is and who we want it to be. 

For the record, the only thing I find less tolerable than being stuck in front of a computer is being stuck in a conference room. 

This past week I worked A LOT of hours, so I was barely on Twitter, other than a minute or two here or there, usually while taking a shit. The funny thing is, this week seemed better than most I have experienced over the past several months.

I don't know how much I have to hate something to prefer sitting in a conference room all week, but that's where I'm at with Twitter. 

The possibility of Twitter ending my writing journey is a thought I have had before, but this past week heavily reinforced it when I realized I would prefer to sit in work meetings than have to open that fucking little blue square with the white bird in the middle of it.

I don't know what it is, but I can't stand it. Even if I receive comments and likes on something I tweet, I don't get this dopamine high I keep hearing people talk about. I get fucking annoyed that my phone won't stop dinging. 

I think it's this feeling of searching for someone's approval that pisses me off. It's like I'm pimping out my thoughts in return for likes and retweets. 

I don't understand how anyone enjoys it, nor can I grasp how or why some things are so damn popular. I can't figure it out. I'm a responsible adult in my fourth decade of life; I don't need someone's fucking productivity thread telling me I need to get up early, exercise, work hard, and eat healthily. For me, that falls under the category of NO. FUCKING. SHIT. 

I mean, seriously, did some of these people not realize they should be saving for retirement until someone's profound, genius thread told them to do so? Or did they think eating pizza five days a week was a great idea right up to the point when they read a thread telling them it was bad? It's all so confusing to me.

The things that seem to be the most popular on Twitter are the things that I would consider common sense. Every time I see a goddamn productivity thread or someone's morning routine, I just wanna fucking scream. But these seem to be the most popular tweets, threads, and accounts out there. Even accounts that don't focus on productivity can't help themselves. Everybody wants to talk about what they do when they get up in the morning.

Who gives a shit? 

It's as if productivity has taken over NFTs as the best way to sell something on Twitter. I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. 

I see the same fucking tweet over and over by different people. It's like a giant Ponzi scheme. Large accounts get medium accounts to follow them, medium accounts get small accounts to follow them, and small accounts get the newbies to follow them. But they’re all saying the same goddamn thing. It's exhausting. There are days when I feel like selling Amway would be more original and worthwhile.

I've considered having someone ghost write for me on Twitter. But having someone write for me feels fake and disingenuous. Besides, I don't know if a ghostwriter is enough for me, I need a fucking ghost reader too, so I don't have to spend any time at all on Twitter. 

If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to anything. Forcing myself to be on Twitter daily is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I'm not a quitter, so I'm not giving up yet, but I need to find some sort of system if I'm going to make this work. Or maybe there's a way to get my writing out there without using social media as a tool. I'm going to be searching for alternatives.

If I find anything worthwhile, I'll be sure to let you all know.

Oh, by the way, you can check out my latest thread here. 😀

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That’s all for now.

I hope you all have a great week!

As always, I would love to hear from you.

• If you read something here that resonates with you, leave a comment.

• If you would like to discuss something further, shoot me an email.

• If there was something you absolutely hated, @ me on Twitter.

And if there is something you think I should be writing about, please let me know.

If you want to see more of my work, visit chasinganswers.co.

Thank you for reading, and if you liked what you read, please share.

randy