10 Comments

I’m so happy you shared your reflections on this Randy! I think kids can end up on activities that end up causing a lot of harm in their adult years because of well intentioned but overly intense adults. I never took dance lessons but had plenty of opportunities to dance in teams and performances throughout my life so I don’t think this will be the end of dancing for her! If anything, you’re probably helping her preserve her love of it.

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Thanks, Michelle! I hope you are right. She really enjoyed the actual recital, once she got to be on stage with her friends and the adults were out of the way. So, maybe she will change her mind about quitting.

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11:30-8:00 PM? Wow. That’s a looooong day for anyone to endure, especially a kid! She’s a tough cookie. Hopefully she had fun while dancing, even if everything else sucked. Recitals or not, I hope she keeps dancing!

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Such a simple and useful reflection Randy. And a sad story too. Once again I appreciate the depth of your considerations around parenting and the attention you give to your daughter's well-being. I think you are right to be asking questions about what this kind of mood is setting kids up for. "The atmosphere wasn’t light-hearted and fun. It was tense and strained. It didn’t feel as though anyone was enjoying themselves" Unfortunately I think you're right that these kinds of atmospheres contribute to what Haley so poignantly describes in her article.

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Thank you, Rick. I think there is a fine line between teaching discipline and focus and still letting them be kids.

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Yes, indeed, and where that line is from moment-to-moment is constantly changing and shifting, sometimes seeming to be completely indistinguishable. If I've learned anything over the years of parenting it's that I can't find that line in my head or from reading parenting literature. It requires the kind of heartfelt attunement that you exemplify frequently when you talk about your daughter. Once your heart is in the right place, you've got trust your instincts.

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Well, first things first, I hope your daughter's recital went well.

You're absolutely right, Randy. We might be instilling certain ways of thinking into kids very early on (I should know; I'm still one!). But knowing you, I can say that your daughter will grow up into someone not tainted by these ways of thinking. :)

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Thank you for the awesome complement, Ishan! And yes, the recital was amazing. It couldn’t have went much better!

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A great heartfelt story. Thanks for sharing because in today’s world a recital seems so innocuous and yet you have so eloquently given it the weight it deserves.

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Thank you so much, Stephen!

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